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I got the "I you but not IN with you" bullshit. Married just over 16 years.
Our therapist didn't ask about infidelity. At least not yet. Like the other poster wrote, it almost doesn't matter. What matters is what went wrong before it happened.
It's symptomatic of something. I've learned a couple of things over the last month: If you truly your spouse, then the most important thing for you is to want them to be happy. That could even mean breaking your heart.
Think about this when you are frustrated and want to lash out with anger. It's very difficult, but think about why you are angry. Are you afraid of having no control over her?