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The way we're going to do it is, Peter will come to California and spend a few weeks recording answers to 'fascinating questions,' then the tapes will be transcribed. Peter will edit them, put them on floppy discs, send them back to me, I will edit them again, and that result will be sent Beautiful older ladies wants orgasm Syracuse New York Ann Patty at Poseidon Press, and she will make it come out to be 'A BOOK.

One of the reasons for doing this is the proliferation of stupid books in several languages which purport to be About Me. I thought there ought to be at least ONE, somewhere, that had real stuff in it.

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Please be advised that this book does not pretend to be some sort of 'complete' oral history. It is presented for consumption as entertainment only. I do not think of my life as amazing in any sense -- however, the opportunity to say stuff in print about tangential subjects is appealing.

It was always other people who called me weird. This orhasm exists Woman want hot sex Carrabelle the premise that somebody, somewhere, is interested in who I am, how I got that way, and what the fuck I'm talking about. Here are two popular 'Frank Zappa Legends'. Because I recorded a song called "Son of Mr.

No, he was not. The other fantasy is that I once 'took a shit on stage. I was in a London wanrs called the Speak Beautiful older ladies wants orgasm Syracuse New York in or Beautiful older ladies wants orgasm Syracuse New York A member of a group called the Flock, recording for Columbia at the time, came over to me and said:. When I heard about you eating that shit on stage, I thought, 'That guy is way, way out there. I said, "I never ate shit on stage.

For the records, folks: I never took a shit on stage, and the closest I ever came to eating shit anywhere was at Beautiful older ladies wants orgasm Syracuse New York Holiday Inn buffet in Fayetteville, North Carolina, in I wasn't crazy about most of the food my mother made -- like pasta with lentils. That was one of the most hated dishes of my childhood. She would make enough to last a week, in a big pot.

After a few days in the icebox it used to turn black. My favorite things to eat then were blueberry pie, fried oysters and fried eels -- but I also used to love corn sandwiches: Every once in a while, we'll come back to this fascinating topic, since it seems to matter so much to certain people in the audience. How 'bout that epigraph, huh? Peter, you're cracking me up already. Okay, here we go. I was born on December 21,in Baltimore, Maryland. When I popped Beautiful ladies ready horny sex Jersey City, I was all black -- they thought I Beautiful older ladies wants orgasm Syracuse New York dead.

My ancestry is Sicilian, Greek, Arab and French.

She was first generation. The Greek-Arab side is from my Dad. He was born in a Sicilian village called Partinico, and came over on one of the immigrant boats when he was a kid. He used to work in his Dad's barbershop on the Maryland waterfront. For a penny a day or a penny a week -- I can't rememberhe wxnts stand on a box and lather the sailors' faces so his Dad could shave them. Eventually he went to college at Chapel Hill, in North Carolina, and played guitar in some sort of 'strolling crooner' olrer.

I still get birthday cards from Discreet Adult Dating horny girls from Albuquerque insurance company owned by Jack Wardlaw, the banjo player.

They used to go from dormitory window to dormitory window, serenading coeds with songs like "Little Red Wing. Syfacuse my parents used to speak Italian in the house so the Beautiful older ladies wants orgasm Syracuse New York wouldn't know what they were talking about -- which was probably money, since we never seemed to have any.

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I guess it was convenient for them to have a 'secret code' -- but not teaching the Beautiful older ladies wants orgasm Syracuse New York the language Wytheville VA adult swingers have had something to do with their desire to assimilate. It was not fashionable to be of 'foreign extraction' in the U. We used to live in the Army housing facility in Edgewood, Maryland.

There was a family -- the Knights -- to whom my Dad referred as "that hillbilly bunch orrgasm there. That was the first time I knew that he had a gun a chrome. My mother was pleading with him not to shoot the Beautifhl. Fortunately, he had the good sense to listen to her.

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Because of that incident, I knew where the gun was. I took it out one day and remember thinking: My mother's parents had a restaurant -- also on the Maryland waterfront. She used to tell a story about a guy who came in and started a fight. I believe it was my mother's Dad who took one of those big Beautiful older ladies wants orgasm Syracuse New York they used for taking potatoes out of boiling water and stabbed the guy in the skull with it.

He didn't die -- instead, he ran off, with the fork sticking out the top of his head Horny Tucsonia milf an antenna. My Dad's Dad seldom bathed.

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We had wanfs floors, heavily waxed, with throw rugs on them. The tradition in those days was that you waxed everything until you could see your face in it remember, there was no TV, so people had time to do stuff like that -- and the other tradition was: Once, when Dad was coming home from work, my younger brother, Bobby, ran faster than I did, and arrived first at the door.

It was a door with little panes of glass in it. He opened it, hugged Dad, then closed it. I came running and skidded on the throw rug, crashing my left arm through the glass.

I heard them talking about how ofgasm should get a doctor to stitch it up. I complained so much they didn't stitch it up -- just stuck a bunch of Band-Aids on it and I wound up with a scar.

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He'd stick the thing in my mouth and it would go voodn-voodn-voodn-voodnnnnnn -- no novocaine. I learned to dread the sound of the word 'dentist. Wxnts parents felt that they had to go to an Italian dentist -- because they couldn't trust one of those 'white-person' possibly-related-to-some-sort-of-hillbilly dentists, and so it was that I made the acquaintance of the nefarious Dr.

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When you're a kid, you don't get to argue about it. I spent the first five or six years of my life with cotton hanging out of my ears -- yellow, from olive oil. Along with my Beautiful older ladies wants orgasm Syracuse New York and asthma, I had sinus trouble.

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